Writing Prompt: Nature’s Inspiration
One of the best ways to get inspiration for writing is to simply write about what’s going on around you. So, get off your butt, go outside (yes – OUTSIDE), and describe what you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell. I want all five senses here! Ready? GO!
Posted on February 27, 2011, in Writer's Block? and tagged creative idea, describing, descriptions, help, how to, inspiration, outdoors, writer's block, writing, writing prompt, writing tips. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.
The Writer's Guide 
As always, here’s my interpretation of the writing prompt:
Whispers of the wind tangle through the trees’ branches like loose tendrils of toilet paper. Cool air rushes down my throat and stings my lungs as birds call to each other in the distance, their bright chirps cutting through the otherwise serene aura. The pale white snow mirrors in the sky, for not a single dot of blue speckles the horizon. My breath swirls in front of me as if I were breathing life into a lost soul. That’s what surrounds this place: life. Spring’s roots are just beginning to dig into the world again as tiny fingers of grass reach through the snow, calling to the sun that lies behind the wall of white in the sky.
My problem isn’t with coming up with ideas to write about. It’s the actual PROCESS of writing that always screws me up. Can you critique my paragraph below? Any suggestions for improvement would be appreciated!
Above me, the moon shines brightly in the sky. Stars dot the sky but purple clouds block them out to the east. I shiver. I’m cold but it’s so pretty outside that I don’t care. Mostly my shivering is just from awe, not cold. Tonight is still; there isn’t any wind. Could it be prettier outside?
First of all, I love that you used multiple senses to describe what you saw and felt. You were also able to write a paragraph in which each sentence started with a different word. Although this may seem like a petty detail to some people, I have learned to appreciate the no-two-sentences-start-with-the-same-letter rule. Nice job!
Here are my suggestions for improvement:
• Use all of your senses in your description. You’ve got sight and touch down pat…but did you hear anything when you were outside? Could you taste the air? What did it smell like outside?
• Check out my page for sentence types:
Specifically, pay attention to the Compound Sentences section. In your sentence “I’m cold but it’s so pretty outside that I don’t care,” you should insert a comma between “cold” and “but” because “I’m cold” and “it’s so pretty outside that I don’t care” are complete sentences (independent clauses). The same goes for your sentence “Stars dot the sky but purple clouds block them out to the east.” A comma should be inserted between “sky” and “but.”
• You say that your shivering is “just from awe.” However, you never say what, exactly, is so awe-inspiring. When you write, you want your readers to be able to feel what you feel…but rather than just telling your readers how you feel, show them what inspires you to feel that way. This, my friend, is where your five senses come in to play! Details, details, details! If you don’t understand the “show, don’t tell” writing rule, have no fear; I’ll post a page about it by next week in the Writing Rules category.
Try making these corrections; I bet they’ll help! If you’d like, when you’re done, you could post your new paragraph so that I could critique it again. Also, don’t forget to check out my new page (Editor’s Corner). If you have any writing blurbs that are unrelated to other posts and need analysis, the Editor’s Corner is the place to go!
Thank you sooo much! Your post “Show, Don’t Tell” really helped me alot!
I’m glad I was able to help!
her hands turned on the cold, brass door handle. she slowly pushed it out and suddenly, the cool summer wind was caressing her cheeks. making the skin of her legs under her jeans tingle. The harmonic sound of streaming water was being disturbed by the quaking of two ducks on the other side of the river. The smell of nature hit her. Everything felt so real, so serene. The wind blew harder and her back arched, The faint sound of wind chimes was added to the peaceful environment. This was her haven.
I went outside and wrote this. I’m not so good with detail which is why i could really use your help. can you please tell me what i need to change in this paragraph and what i can improve about my writing? Thanks so much.
You know what? I like this. I can picture everything you say, and you paint a very clear image. If I had to choose a favorite part, I think it would be “making the skin of her legs under her jeans tingle.” Why? I’ve never read that before—not in any book, magazine, or short story. But I know the feeling, so it’s neat to see it put into writing. Well done. 🙂
Suggestions for improvement?
I realize that, what with texting, Facebook, and Twitter, often times petty grammar rules get washed down the drain. But as soon as you make the switch from social life to essay/story writing, those petty grammar rules should come gurgling back up. Make sure you capitalize the first letter of every sentence, and be careful that you don’t mix up your commas with periods or vica-versa. Why? If you don’t, it’s harder for your readers to understand what you’re trying to convey. So. I’ll rewrite your paragraph below so that it’s grammatically correct—and I’ll put my thoughts in parenthesis.
Her hands turned on the cold brass door handle. (When you say “her hands turned,” it makes me think that the door handle was slippery and that she couldn’t get a grip on it right away. Is this what you’re trying to say? If it is, describe the slickness of the door handle a little further, maybe with a simile or metaphor. If not, write the sentence so that the DOOR HANDLE is doing the action, not her hands.) She slowly pushed it out, and the cool summer wind was caressing her cheeks, making the skin of her legs under her jeans tingle. (Did you read my page about adjectives and adverbs not always making better descriptions? If you didn’t, check it out: https://thewritersguide.wordpress.com/2011/07/16/adjectives-do-they-deepen-or-dilute-your-writing/ Why am I mentioning this? I think you could find a better way to say “slowly pushed” to get rid of the adverb “slowly.” Maybe try “nudged the door open” or “prodded the door open.”) The harmonic sound of streaming water was being disturbed by the quaking (“Quaking” is a synonym for “shaking”; switch the spelling of “quaking” to “quacking,” which is the sound a duck makes. Also, is “disturbed” the right word you want to use here? If the ducks are disturbing the peacefulness, do they ruin your theme? Or do you want your character to be annoyed by the ducks? Just some food for thought.) of two ducks on the other side of the river. The smell of nature hit her. Everything felt so real, so serene. The wind blew harder, and her back arched as the faint sound of wind chimes was added to the peaceful environment. (Remember that page that I mentioned above about adjectives and adverbs? The same applies to your description “blew harder.” Maybe you could try “raged through the________.” Insert “trees,” “grass,” or something else that would further develop your setting into the blank. Also, is there another word that you could use here other than “environment” that would describe the setting more? Try “forest,” “clearing,” “field,” “mountain,” or something else that would complete your picture.)This was her haven.
Suggestion number two: try to avoid “to-be” verbs (is, are, were, was, be, etc.) when you can. Why? Often times, you can find better, more vivid verbs to replace them—and, by trying NOT to use them, you’re forced to think of more creative ways of saying the same thing. How to get rid of to-be verbs? Sadly, there’s no concrete answer. But I’ll help you with a few of yours…see what you think: “She nudged the door open, and the cool summer wind caressed her cheeks…” “Ducks’ calls disturbed the harmonic sound of streaming water.” “…the faint sound of wind chimes swirled in the peaceful environment.”
Although sometimes these words are necessary, it’s nice to TRY and avoid starting sentences with “a,” “an,” or “the.” If you DO use them, use them sparingly. Why? Again, there’s usually a better way to word things.
Sometimes it takes a while to play around with the words and find the perfect fit…but in the end, it’s worth it. You already have an AWESOME start here! “Not so good with detail?” Psh. The detail is there. Now what to do? Revise. Read it again, revise again and, if you feel like it, revise some more. Writing is, sadly, a long process that requires multiple rough drafts…and, let me tell you, you already have your foot well into the door. 🙂
I think you should describe the setting a little more. Wind, check. River, check. Ducks, check. But can you think of anything else? For instance, what is the narrator’s home like? Or is it a vacation spot? What country are you in? What time era? Can you describe some of the plant life? And don’t just say “trees” or “bushes.” Get specific…try researching about the different plants that populate an area and give incorporate them into your paragraph.